he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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