But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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