They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
