Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
