After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
