Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
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woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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