Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
