At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
50% drunk capacity currently
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
