she takes plan B like it's going out of style
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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