chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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