How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
