Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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