My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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