I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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