I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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