i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
