"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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