Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.