I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The best revenge is premature balding
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship