we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic