I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?