Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
