ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
