he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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