I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
