i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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