dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
