Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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