ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
