I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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