a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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