i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
