Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
