i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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