He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
