I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
