I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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