Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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