this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
