You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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