The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
