dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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