Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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