i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
