I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
