I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm both gender and math confused
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
