the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
