btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
