Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
