I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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