Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize