false alarm. still invincible.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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