The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
