Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
