The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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