i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
