I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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