Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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