..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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