Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
