I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
