Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
