why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
