i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
