my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
